Original occasional Paper
Going into this paper I had no sense of direction on what route I wanted to take. After long hours and many nights thinking about what I could write about I came to the realization nothing exciting has happened in my life. So, what is even worth writing about when nothing spectacular or interesting has happened to me this year. I had something in mind, but I kept trying to avoid it because I didn’t think I was ready to talk about it with anyone let alone a class full of people. My mental health is never something I took seriously because talking about my own feelings has always been a struggle for me which leads me to always putting my feelings aside and taking on other peoples. These past few months have easily been the worst but also best times of my life. The beginning of November I developed an eating disorder and became mildlydepressed, but I didn’t think much of it and shoved it to the side. Throughout the next few weeks I had spent my days feeling lost, confused, impulsive, and just kind of alone. If anyone knowsthe feeling of being lost and confused, then you know it’s not really an ideal way to feel becauseit also leads to you feeling unmotivated with daily activities. Everyday never felt normal, I would just sit around and wait for time to pass by so I could go to sleep and have a few hours of peace. Iwould constantly complain to myself that the way I am feeling wasn’t right, but I would continueon with my life as if nothing was actually wrong. At this point I didn’t really know what the problem was, but I knew something was wrong so when I went home for winter break, I explained to my family how I felt. They didn’t really think anything of the bad eating habits or the unhappy emotions I was feelings because they assumed it was just stress from school and that it would get better being home for a while. Spending time back home in Texas may have helped a little temporarily but soon enough I was back to the same hopeless feeling. Knowing that my family couldn’t help was a bummer, but thismade me realize the only person who can really help me is myself. Even though I knew I needed to help myself I still struggled to start that journey to get back on my feet. There was a night I kind of sat there and took time to myself to think where exactly did I go wrong for me to develop this disorder and what did I do to feel so helpless. I kept thinking I could sit here and keep asking these questions about what I did wrong or how I messed up but I knew it wouldn’t fix the problem, so I finally decided to make a change. Coming to terms with this disorder was the first step to getting better and asking for help was another. I kept thinking about the things I used to do that I had stopped in the past few months and decided to pick those back up again. For the past few weeks I have been going to the gym, taking walks, and just keeping myself occupied instead of sleeping the days away. There was a period of time where I thought I would never get better and that nothing was going to change but bringing back the things I used to do and keeping myself busy has helped tremendously. In the beginning of this paper I said that this has also been one of the best times of my life and that is because I learned some valuable lessons which are that it’s okay to havesetbacks in life and that it is okay to ask for help and deal with your feelings head on. I realizedthat it’s okay to put myself first for once, and that was something I really needed during thistime. I know things aren’t completely perfect, but I know with time and more progress that I will feel okay again. New OP My first semester of college. I didn't know what it was, but I was feeling alone and impulsive with eating. I reached out for help but didn't find much from it so there was a night I thought to myself. I only really have myself and need to fix this problem. I brought back all my interest and knew id slowly get back on my feet again.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
April 2019
Categories |